im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
