high people should be assigned attendants
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
