I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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