FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
