I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
