would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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