pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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