Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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