Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
