just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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