all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
