he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
