I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
