Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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