Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
high people should be assigned attendants
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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