Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
