Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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