I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
