I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
