big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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