my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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