fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
