I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
