All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
