Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
