im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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