I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
