yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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