And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
