We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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