I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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