She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
two words...techno handjob
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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