My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
