the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
