i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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