I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
