Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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