Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
