Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
