Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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