It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All the doctor said was why
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize