it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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