I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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