so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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