i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
