Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
