He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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