I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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