WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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