I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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