I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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