That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
