Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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