ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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