Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
