Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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