My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
