btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
