He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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