Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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