and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
