I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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