That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
