I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
