Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
