i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize