Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
